One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn’t Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day, nonetheless. Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time – puns will never get boring, even if they’d be the last jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don’t get them at all. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. From classy to sassy, these are the puns that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes at least). So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think!


Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak


I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

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“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.


I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work


When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic

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Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen


How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it


I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

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It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally


I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over


What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter


Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea


Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”


The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran


Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now


My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels


I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off


What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe


I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case


Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine


All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution


She had a photographic memory but never developed it


Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve


I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any


England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool


The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand


A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes


What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!




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A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending


When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane


When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It’s intense tense in tents


A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils


What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi


Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo


Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and don’t really care


I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind


How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other


Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.


How do you throw a space party? You planet


My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”


What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird

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I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person


What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire


I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I’m kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon


My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve


Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other “how do you drive this thing?”


I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”


What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves


What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays


German sausage jokes are just the wurst

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The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize


What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist


What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator


Need an ark? I Noah guy


How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it


I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it


Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!


What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine


Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’


I used to be indecisive; now I’m not so sure


He who laughs last thinks slowest


Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill


What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus


Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine


What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.





I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra… It was a booby trap

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Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them


I bought a boat because it was for sail


Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!


How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars


Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak


I lost my mood ring, and I don’t know how I’m feeling about that


What would you get if you’d put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit

kidney bank




I’m not a doctor but I’m losing my patience

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