Before I started training Brazilian jiu-jitsu, I used to go to the gym all the time. Congratulate me. During my time as an avid gym-goer and people-watcher, I picked up on a ton of rude, unsanitary, and obnoxious things people would do there (that they definitely shouldn’t). The unspoken gym rules that I assumed everybody would just know and follow clearly need to be spoken, so let me be the self-proclaimed hero you neither want or need but the one you deserve. Please, on behalf of everyone with a gym membership, NEVER do these 6 things at the gym:
1. Not Wipe Down Gym Equipment After Using It
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is more vile than sweating all over gym equipment and leaving it there for the next person to clean or sit on. The gym literally provides sanitary wipes, disinfectant sprays, and/or paper towels all over the place for this very reason… so you can wipe stuff down once you’re done using it. Like??? You have no reason to not clean up after your damn self. I don’t care how beautiful and fit you are, nobody wants to touch your butt sweat. Y’all are nasty.
2. Awkwardly Hover Around A Machine That Someone Is Using
You want to use the machine I’m using. It’s a good one. I get it. However, kindly calm the f*ck down and wait for me to finish… and wait somewhere else while you do it. Don’t walk around and circle me like a vulture, because if I’m feeling super petty, which I probably am, I
might will sit there longer than I have to just to piss you off. Lurk from a distance then pounce on the machine as soon as I get up like every other normal human being.
3. Waste Time Chillin’ On Your Phone Between Sets
Aside from being petty and holding up machines for creeps, you’ll never catch me casually swiping on Ship or crafting paragraphs to people who aren’t even going to reply to me in between sets. If you sit on your phone for way too long during your set break, especially on popular machines, then you’re a bad person. People need to work out too. Stop being selfish. The group chat can wait. They’re probably going to ignore your text anyway.
4. Have A Phone Conversation On Speaker
I don’t know if you know this, but your conversation isn’t as important as you might think it is. Nicole was *such* a bitch to you at that party over the weekend and now you’re going to passive-aggressively address it. Cool. No one cares. Take your call off speakerphone. We’ve got enough sh*t going on in our own lives, and we go to the gym to distract ourselves from it. Invest in a pair of earbuds, hold the phone to your ear, save the call for the ride home, or make it juicy enough so that we actually want to listen to your drama.
5. Stare At Someone While They Work Out
Please don’t use the gym as a place to pick up dates. Please don’t hit on fellow gym-goers. And please don’t stare at someone while that person is working out. Please don’t stare at anyone ever. Your longer-than-acceptable glare is doing the exact opposite of turning me on. It’s weird. Stop being weird.
6. Leave Equipment All Over The Gym
The gym may be your second home, but it’s not really your home, so don’t treat it like it is. Quit leaving stuff all over the place. Spend $3 on a lock and use a locker if you’re going to lug around your belongings and lose them along the way. And when you pick things up and put them down, put those things back up and put them where they belong on the rack/shelves. If you can’t be a responsible, functioning member of society, do us all a favor and save your money on a gym membership by doing some at-home exercises instead. Thanks, and you’re welcome.
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