A-listers pay thousands for anti-ageing treatments involving caviar facials, crushed pearls, stem cell injections and oxygen therapy. But if you really want skin like a babys, there are cheaper ways
Name: Victoria Beckhams caviar facial.
Appearance: Younger, less heavy.
A facial that makes you lose weight? Yes. When its over, youre 1,100 lighter.
Are you saying that Victoria Beckham pays that much to have someone smear caviar on her face? It is described as a caviar sheet mask, but, essentially, yes.
Does she at least eat it afterwards? I dont think so.
What a waste. What a shocking, shocking waste. Its not just about the caviar. Posh opts for the full legacy treatment, by dermatologist-to-the-stars Dr Harold Lancer, which also includes oxygen therapy, an eye mask made from crushed pearls and stem cell injections. It is known as the foetus facial.
Im not sure I like where this is going. Relax. Its just called that because it leaves your skin looking as fresh as a newborns.
A newborn is not a foetus. Stop being so literal. Its just means you look young.
I suppose if youve got loads of money and having fish eggs rubbed on your face is your idea of being pampered This has nothing to do with pampering. This is about commitment.
Commitment to a facial? Victoria doesnt just sporadically do something, says Lancer. She follows a programme with the same determination as an Olympic athlete.
Who is she competing against? Lancers other clients include Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez and Renee Zellweger, but Beckham is at the top of her game. Shes one of the most regimented A-listers I see, he says.
Can I, a non-regimented civilian, approximate the same age-erasing effects? There is a home version of the legacy treatment on offer for a mere 750.
OK, so no. Alternatively, you can pick up a jar of Lancers Caviar Lime Acid Peel for about 90.
Ive changed my mind. Or you can buy a caviar sheet mask from Superdrug for 3.99.
I can? Theyre actually pretty widely available, in a broard range of prices.
Can worldwide caviar stocks support this insatiable demand? Wild beluga sturgeon is already critically endangered. Almost all caviar is farmed these days.
I wouldnt have anything but sustainably sourced caviar on my face. Also, most sheet masks contain caviar extract, which can be as dilute as 1g of caviar per litre of water. A little goes a long way.
Do say: My dear, who is your dermatologist? You look as wrinkly and purple as a newborn babe!
Dont say: No, its not a facial. I just got drunk and passed out in my dinner.